doh!....yea i hate to say this but something came up on wednesday and thursday. apparently i'm working (5:30pm-1:00am) at d&b on wednesday and my friends b-day is on thursday so she wants to go out.
well, we'll work something out soon.
hmm...this saturday, i have another friends b-day to go to. other than that it's work work work. but hey, if you don't mind company in the evenings, just let me know. i'm better for the evenings anyhow.
i prefer 1 over 2 because it looks more appealing. that was my first reaction.
eww...spunky, that's gross!!
oh, and yes, i'm feeling much better now. just have been getting headaches before and after bedtime...i don't know why. stress? maybe. i dunno...
ttyl*
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
Thought it'd be time for an update. I seem to have a knack for writing whenever I SHOULD be in bed (I have to be up in 3 hours to help out an optometrist with computer problems.)
Mb, thanks for coming over this evening. Quite an experience trying out that Soup Tofu thing at that Korean restaurant huh? Too bad you can't join this Thursday for dinner since I'll be attempting to make a few dishes ("attempting" being the keyword here haha.)
Well, I took everyone's suggestions in regard to the fish tank and re-created an Aquarium1-like look. It now has slightly less vegetation and far less gravel than Aquarium 1, and the rock has an orange plant for highlight. I'll post a picture here once I figure out my new camera.
Peace died. Figured, since it was always at the bottom of the tank. I've replaced it with Grace, a Nemo-like common goldfish, who moves ... well, with grace. Spunky and the Red Cap Oanda seem to like each other and spend quite a lot of time with one another. In fact, they playfully bully each other from time to time (yeah, little Spunky bullying the big Red Cap!) I've decided to name the Red Cap, "Bully" for its bullying attitude. I'm looking at the tank right now and all 3 goldfishes are peacefully swimming side-by-side. Don't know if they are sleeping or something, but one thing is for sure (and MB has seen it in-person a couple times): the moment I turn on the tank's lights, Spunky would start DASHING all over the tank hahaha... Boy, does its name fit it so well!
The Ghost Shrimps have grown quite a bit in such a short time! I am planning to buy the White Fiddler Crab (the one with the larger, right claw -- insert your own joke here) later this afternoon and will absolutely watch it closely for the next couple days. I'm worried that it'd be too aggressive enough to attack the shrimps and Spunky/Grace.
In terms of the damaged snowboard boot, I figured out a way to still be able to snowboard without much problems, although it'd be nice to have one that functions like it's supposed to.
Allow me to share with you my views on friendship as of recent.
Last weekend's snowboard trip had mixed feelings. I felt like punching someone who I used to trust and considered a friend, especially since he also lied to me so many times that he considered me one of his better friends. Good friends really are hard to find these days. It's amazing how one with lots of charm can fool people so easily (at least me... I'm so naive and tend to think people are born good.) What brings peace to my heart is to know how many people I know actually don't like him either, even from those I'd least expect to hear that from. I have realized that I am just too naive as compared to the people I know. Is my well-meaning nature just too great for my own good?
Well, I held myself back. I don't consider myself a violent person. It's fair to say that all the people who know me feel that way as well, and that makes me proud. It makes me proud that as though I dislike someone so much that I can just turn around and just go on.
You don't need to know exactly why I dislike that person. All you need to know is that betrayal, cold-hearted lies with no remorse, and utter manipulation from someone with great charm and a sweet, intelligent mouth has put a huge dent in how I normally view people. I'll certainly be more careful in who I'll allow my trust. Those who know me know that I'd do nearly anything for those whom I care about, and this type of friendship is hard to find in people.
Even someone else whom I used to trust without a doubt has urged me on multiple occasions to re-evaluate my definition of trust, friendship, respect, and care.
So, what have I done about all of this?
I've gone and thought about who really are my true friends. I've also started being more in touch with those who I may consider a "true friend" in the future.
And you know what? I can proudly say that I AM PROUD of who I have become. There still are a lot of things for me to learn and improve upon, but what I have found recently is that I've become more and more kind and loving again like I used to be. I've also become more confident, assertive, less fearful, more handy, a better cook, and most importantly: more appreciative of what's around me.
It wasn't too long ago when I actually noticed how beautiful the world is: the sky, the rain, the birds, the trees, even the people walking on the streets and how families interact with each other. Seeing children playing in the park made me smile a lot.
It's amazing to realize how much of me disappeared after I started working those ridiculous hours a few years ago. I was too entrenched in my career goal that I just forgot about everything else. Too bad I allowed it to affect my relationship with Kim. How come neither of us realized it until recently?
So, what about my ex lately?
More and more I feel the door for Kim closing. I know her heart's elsewhere despite her denials. It really hurts to be lied to by someone who you care so much about, particularly when she recently did something that I specifically asked her to never do to me if she really did care about me. Apparently she doesn't. That's a story I don't want to get into publicly, but suffice to say, it really hurt.
What hurts even more is *KNOWING* that there will come the day when she'll be emotionally devastated by someone who she thought she could trust, and KNOWING that there's nothing I can do to prevent that. All I can do is sit here and watch and pray (and I haven't prayed for sooo long) that the hurt won't be too bad. I will, of course, be there for her when that day comes, but the door to welcome her back as a married soulmate will likely no longer be open. My heart's become more and more filled with disappointment that the romantic love I once had for her is starting to dwindle. On the same token, my heart's been filling up more and more with (?) (I can't find an accurate word for it, but hatred is the extreme side of it) towards her -- I suppose that's normal for someone who's been hurt for so long. The caring love remains as strong as ever, though.
Do I still think about her every day? Yes. All the time. I'm happy that she's found laughter in her life again. I really am despite the hurt.
Okay, change of subject (well, somewhat )
When I talked with one of my friends recently, I remembered how love can make people blind. Someone I know is blinded by charm and other things right now. Amazing how charming people know exactly what to say and do to win women over. I've told her to be careful, but yup: love is blind. I'm hoping the best for her as well.
Oh, you guys know what's funny in a way? I've become the relationship counselor for quite a handful of couples recently. I don't think I'm qualified at all, and they have been told that, but they still feel more comfortable talking to me about their problems. I'm also careful to keep my distance as I don't want to accidentally attract their attention as a possible romantic interest. I'm waiting for my romantic feelings for Kim to wane completely before I allow myself to date again. Otherwise I'd just fall into a rebound mode and that's unfair for the other person.
This coming Lunar New Year, I plan on surprising my grandparents with something that will certainly make them laugh I'm a joker at heart and have forgotten that I used to be that. It's a GREAT feeling to make people laugh, and I've definitely been working on regaining my better sense of humor that I have lost for so long.
I've been growing up very rapidly and remembering all the things that were good about me. It's great! I really am proud of who I've been becoming, and I certainly do not plan on letting ANYTHING take away the essence of my self again -- not even crazy work hours, should I be forced into such a situation in the future. Compared to a former friend of mine, I am certainly very, very proud of who I am. It's also good to know how many people feel that I'm the better person of us two as well -- not to mention by those from whom I (or anyone, for that matter) least expected to tell me that.
Should I continue to compare myself to other people? Nah. To that former friend of mine? Absolutely not. He's not even worth a thought any more. Still feel like punching him though.
Ah, 2 more hours of sleep left
Oh, I plan on moving out of my apartment within this year. Still have to do a lot of research on house purchasing and I'm sure that once that day comes, I'll certainly have fun decorating it So, I've put my mind back into Saving mode so that I'll have the money to decorate to my heart's content
My plants have started to reverse their slow deaths -- they are actually starting to grow baby leaves now! Woo! It wasn't just over or underwatering that was killing them: there is a HUGE lack of sunlight coming into my apartment and that problem's somewhat been solved
Guess what? I actually had to turn down an Asian female (I think she was Chinese) the other day asking for my cell phone number after a little chat. That RARELY ever happened since I'm not a hottie and always had the shyness get the better part of me. When someone did approach me, I always told them proudly that I was in a relationship. Anyway, she asked me about snowboarding at Sports Chalet and a little chat followed. Although she's quite cute, spunky, well-dressed (not in ridiculous all-pink like in Legally Blonde), and even a little bit feisty (even had that smart look that always seems to get me), I politely let her know that I just got out of a long-term relationship. She gave me her number anyway, but I trashed it on my way home. My friends told me that I should have at least pursued a friendship, but nah. Again, I don't want a possible rebound to hurt anyone. Will I regret not having pursued a friendship with her? Probably. It's good to know that a stranger felt that I was a nice person though... Haven't heard that for a while...
Okay, time to sleep. MB, I dare you to write a LONG post this month. Can you do it? Oh, we forgot to play You Don't Know Jack. Maybe next time.
Ciao!
Mike
Last edited by Mikey_ on Thu Feb 03, 2005 3:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
oh gosh....my EYES are burning and i'm about to fall to sleep on the table. not to say that your post was boring, because it wasn't....but it was so LONG!!
sigh*
anyhow, thanks again for inviting over. i had fun. it was a nice relaxed evening where i didn't have to worry or think much about anything. thank you for dinner. yes that korean resturant was quite an interesting experience. i'm sorry i didn't get to finish my food....i got full fast! but i did enjoy it.
yea...it's too bad i'm working thursday, but that's ok. i'm pretty sure (hopefully) there will be another time.
yay! aquarium! it looks really good. really relaxing and fun to watch. yea, it was funny to watch them dash around when you turn the lights on. lol*
it was a very beautiful night that night. it would have been nice to hang out in the park, but too bad it closed. i've been admiring...really admiring everything around me for a couple of years. indeed, it's a wonderful sight. it makes you think about life and appreciate it in so many ways.
i'm really happy to hear that you are discovering your true self. now that is a big accomplishment. i feel the same way this year. an old friend whom i haven't seen in a couple of years ran into me while i was working at macy's. as we were chit chatting about old times and new times, she gave me this stare, like...who are you? she says i'm a very different person from the time she first met me. she said it looked like i had more confidence and very outspoken....and that i was kinda weird and funny in a good way. lol* her comments made me feel really good.
( pause 02.02.05 - 11:14pm )
ok.....looks like i just got a call from you. trying to call you back, but no answer. (maybe you're leaving me a message.) hahaha*
anyhow.....um, yea.............write a long post this month? sure i can, but not right now. dude! i'm tired just reading your post. and i need at least a couple of hours or more. hmm.....
[edit]
hey mike, you know how i said the food was really hot that evening. yea...my tongue was feeling weird today and now it's really sensitive. lol*
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
Mb, I still find it funny how my brother Mark pulled out all those business cards whenever we brought up a restaurant. Looks like he's been around, but the best moment was when *I* pulled out MY cards when he mentioned some of the other food places hahaha... Well, glad you got to meet him. I thought you guys knew each other back from the Romeo days. Guess not.
Don't worry about the food thing. It was a LOT of food in the first place.
Yup, I'll be cooking dinner tonight for sure. Not sure yet what we'll be doing today. Maybe learn from one another how to dance? One person has a cold, the other is tired. And I'm not sure who else may be coming. So, the night's definitely up in the air tonight.
The park... I'm sure if you really wanted to go, you could. It's usually an "official close time" for your safety. I might take your suggestion someday and set up the new camera on a tripod and slow-shutter the sky... once I take the time to read the manual, of course. It's strange... normally I'd be all over new gadgets, but I haven't even flipped open the manual past page 2.
You? Different? Honestly, not by much. You're still the same to me as 4 or so years ago back at Visiontouch. But then again, I don't know you from that day until now -- maybe you just changed back to your "old" self?
I had L&L Hawaiian BBQ in Brea yesterday. Boy, it was a bit salty, but good nonetheless. Also finally bought the White Fiddler Crab at Petco. It's the tiniest one on display -- not too old of a fella actually. The moment I put it into the tank, it made itself quite at home right away between the rocks. I cleaned the tank and did a water change today and now I can't find it. It's probably underneath the ship.
Anyway, I noticed that Spunky and Grace have been spending a LOT of time together just playfully swimming up and down and around each other. I think a couple has developed Spunky's also playing with the bubbles from the shipwreck -- that has never happened before. The fishes usually are shy about the bubbles, but I think they are getting used to their home now. Even Bully now isn't afraid of my hand -- it's actually swimming up to (and touching) my hand now when I place their dessert, Bloodworms, into the water. Pretty weird and cool at the same time to be touched by a fish. They look happy in their tank. Makes me proud that I've done something right
Also noticed that the water from my apartment is quite alkaline, high pH'ed, and hard (after taking a few tests)! Didn't know the water was THAT bad around here... I've got all of them under control now with the exception of the water's hardness. I chose to leave that alone instead of adding aquarium salt (for various reasons) -- not getting into that and bore you all to death.
Okay, going out now to take care of some stuff (and helping out a bit at Neliance) and then come back to get things ready for dinner.
Ciao!
Mike
PS: Lexi's doing well. She'll probably post here again soon. Told her that you missed her posts.
I read your reply to my private message. No problem. I am glad to hear that you are all doing well.
I thought of you last night. I was with some of my group members last night. Our teacher gave us a take home group quiz that we could complete together and so we decided to work on it together last night. Me and one other classmate was workng on the fill in the blank part. The other two were looking throughtheir notes.
Suddenly one of the girls announced that she had something to tell us. She said that she had been thinking about asking our teacher out on a date for some time now and wanted to know what we thought. I didn't have too much advice to offer. I would feel so wierd dating a teacher... I have had numerous crushes on teachers in the past but I don't think I would ever have had the nerve to act on my adolescent-like crush for a teacher.
Our conversation suddenly got lively as my other two group members began to offer her suggestions on how to seduce our proffessor. It was pretty funny. Before I knew it our quiz was almost completly forgotten and people were so focused on helping her plot this huge seduction scheme. Even the guy, I think his name is Paul or Peter, was totally doling out love advice. Before we all parted ways, we had a plan set in motion to get our teacher to fall in love with Stephanie.
It was fun. We finished the quiz and agreed to meet again if he ever gives us a take home quiz again. Some of the students in my class are really brave. It makes me laugh because there is this one guy who went off big time in class for like 15 minutes on how he hates multiple choice tests/quizzes and how our teacher better not waste his time giving him a test like that. Essay tests are what this guy wanted and he was very vocal in letting the teacher know his test preferences.
This class is going to be so much fun as we watch this potential romance unfold. I love this kind of thing!
Anyway, Counselor Mike, for some reason you were on my mind a lot last night as I listened to the love ceonnection conversation going on around me.
I totally stressed myself out and I did drop my Econ. class after all. I am down to 12 units and depending on a few other factors I might just drop one more class. If I do that though, I will have to pick it up over the summer. I don't want to go to summer school, so we'll see. I do feel MUCH better now that I dropped that class though.
Okay, time to reply back. Hope you ALL had a GREAT weekend
Lexi, in regards to your e-mail: it's okay to rebel here and there with your family. So did I. I think it's part of puberty and it also allows you to become more of an adult. It's not easy for parents to let go of their children, but as we all grow older, I'd say that asking for a little independence from your parents is good. For my family, it has gained a better mutual respect although the road to this respect was difficult.
Besides, although your parents were upset at you during your community college years, you are making up for it now by going after your Master's. They can only be proud of you now, right? So, how did your first quiz of the semester go? Makes me want to go back to school again... But first things first.
My female friend and a female aquaintance (I am much more picky now of whom I call "friends" -- or "best friends", for that matter) had a nice time at my place. I was the only one cooking as the two were either tired, sick, or both. They liked it and I'm a bit more confident in my cooking umm... "skills"... now (still a long way to go) that I'm actually no longer afraid of making up dishes from scratch without the use of any recipes. In fact, the salad was not too shabby.
As we spent time talking, listening to music, and a bunch of other things, I came to the realization ever more that I'm actually not a bad guy after all. I'm actually a better person now than ever before! Wiser, more mature, more caring and loving again, and with likes and dislikes I forgot I had. Isn't it wonderful how staying away from the computer and spending time doing the things you've always wanted to do or learn can so greatly make you a better person?
I drove the aquaintance home around midnight and the other friend stayed at my place until 6am listening to music and talking. It was really nice to have long, cozy talks again after such a long time of never-ending rain inside my head. She, too, became really tired (but refreshed at the same time), and I drove her to her dorm as well in case she'd fall asleep on the wheel.
I never thought I could hold such long conversations again, but apparently the changes I have made in my life has opened up my mind and eyes to things I never knew you could talk about. It makes me excited to learn even more about life again and I've even told mom that although she wants me to have a career and become successful, that I cannot do so at the expense of living like I did the past 15 years or so. She understood and supports it.
I have changed quite a lot for the better (and thankfully, MANY people agree.) It's incredible how MUCH was accomplished, changed, and remembered in such a short period of 3 months! Even the romantic side is coming back again (Mb: you were right in a previous post: it wasn't gone after all. It was just dormant.)
Now, to your long, private message, Lexi: As I said, it's best not to write long messages via Private Messaging as this forum has its technical limitations. So, I'll reply here like I wrote in my reply back.
It's good to hear from you again. Mb and I were wondering what you were up to since Tim's birthday.
That's kind of funny that you can no longer watch tear-jerking movies any more. I feel that those type of movies have actually HELPED me remember the sincereity, romance, laughter, appreciation, and the like in me. In fact, the horror movie genre (in regards to the movie you mentioned) has also helped me remember to not take life so seriously any more. Why focus so much on your career that you forget about life? Take things slowly and one step at a time. Enjoy what's around you and appreciate what has come your way.
I agree that you should be respected for still hanging on and cherishing your memories with Tim even after you have started a new relationship. However, I feel that you should definitely let him go at some point in time or it'll only make your new love feel 2nd choice (ESPECIALLY if you keep comparing him to Tim.) And who likes to be 2nd choice? I don't. More power to you for deciding to not tell your new love (when you find him) too much about Tim -- unless you're asked about him.
Although I never pushed Kim to talk to me about her past/ex-boyfriend (it would have helped both of us get to know each other better and start conversations), sometimes I wished that she did. It often made me feel distant not sharing the memories that were so hurtful to her. I felt like an inadequate boyfriend whom she didn't trust her emotions with. I still don't know much about her past and childhood. She was quite a private person, and I was too focused on a career and computers that the combination left us stranded.
I also agree with you that it's a wonderful feeling to fall in love again -- who wouldn't want to feel that way? I certainly do. But I'm taking it slowly and carefully. I definitely don't want a rebound to either hurt the other person and/or blind me from seeing the bad things about the other person.
So, how are my plants doing? The Chinadoll has been growing lots of baby leaves! Yay! One of the branches at least... hehehe... Looks kind of dumb, but we'll see what happens. Give it another 6 months. I've got a new plant from mom -- doesn't look as nice as the palm tree I had, but we'll see if I can take better care of that one. I do plan on getting a palm tree again once I get the hang of it.
Fishes... Good news! I've added a new White Fiddler Crab to the tank and also gave it a name. Pictures are below, taken with my new camera (I still haven't flipped open the manual past page 3!) What I like about the new camera is that it allows you to precisely choose where to focus on AND I can (finally) adjust the shutter speed that allows me to freeze the bubbles in time (digital cameras are known for blurry pictures when the subject moves. Yay again!)
The Tank ("Aquarium 3", based on "Aquarium 1")
Bully (Red Cap Oanda/ Fancy Goldfish)
DaVinci (White Fiddler Crab)
Named after Leonardo DaVinci: one day when a Korean friend of mine and her boyfriend were over, we watched the crab climb to the tallest plant and then suddenly get swooped off by the filter's stream of water. As it was falling to the ground, it was flapping its legs wildly as if it was trying to fly. So, it earned its name for attempting to "fly."
DaVinci is a VERY young crab. I hope that it starting as a baby will raise a tame adult and not start pinching the fishes
You can see DaVinci's home between the rocks in the above picture. It shoveled out all the gravel in-between the two, large rocks... Poor thing has to do that every time I clean the tank
Ghost Shrimp
Grace (Common Goldfish)
Named for its gracefulness.
Grace and Spunky (Common Goldfishes)
Spunky was named for being... spunky. It wouldn't stop swimming quickly and eating. Taking pictures of it was extremely difficult! Grace and Spunky seem to have developed a liking for each other. They like to playfully swim against the filter's stream with each other
Spunky, Bully, and Grace
DaVinci and a Ghost Shrimp
Spunky
In the first picture, it looks sad. In the second picture, it looks as if it's posing for a photo shoot. It was pure luck being able to take pictures of him in the first place
White Clouds
Like the Ghost Shrimps, I have no name for them as I cannot distinguish them apart.
My new toy for the aquarium has arrived, but I'll need to buy some rechargable batteries. It'll be a BLAST to play with it!
I tried picking out a favorite pet from the tank, but you know... I love them all equally. They all got their own likes and dislikes. Even the Ghost Shrimps crack me up because come feeding time, the bigger ones swim ALL the way to the surface of the water, go upside down and grab the food in mid-air. What a sight! The tank's still as clear as ever and I'm pretty happy with my design choice after seeing how other real-life aquariums have been decorated
Speaking of decorations -- I don't plan on decorating my apartment any more. It's good the way it is (although a paint job would be nice), and I'll save up the other ideas when I get my own house. It'll be fun!
My relatives had a Chinese New Year's party in Temecula yesterday (Sunday.) I wore a martial arts costume and said "Gung Hay Fat Choi" to my grandparents prior to receiving red envelopes full of money. They could not stop bursting in laughter and I gave grandma a deep, big bear hug. I saw in everyone's eyes that they all missed Kim, but they all also knew not to bring up her name, except one of my aunties and uncles. They had no idea that Kim and I separated and apologized for having asked about her. I wasn't offended at all and told them that Kim's doing quite well. I wish her well.
The kids, like usual, jumped all over me like a swarm of killer bees. One of the girls particularly kept vying for my attention and asked me to throw her into the air even though she kept telling me she was scared as heck. Strange. Towards the end of the evening, she said that she saw my brother, David, and me in a video singing at one of my cousin's weddings, and that she watched it a lot. Hahaha... little girl crush? She likes to pose for the camera and I told her dad to contact advertising agencies to have her model or do commercials. She's really cute!
I also went to see my older cousin's new house. Boy, it was only 3,000 or so square feet, but it looked EXTREMELY spacious with plenty of rooms! It was nicely decorated and the architecture was just dreamy! We talked a lot about the house, decorations, design, her husband's dogs, relationships, and other things. We had a lot of catch-up to do after years of not really contacting one another. We talked about her kids too. It made me miss starting a family. I really wanted to start one but was just too focused on getting a career going (so that our kids wouldn't suffer.) Well, that plan obviously didn't work too well, but it did help me realize that there's more to life than just the traditional Chinese focus on a successful career over family and living life. This realization didn't fit too well with my mom, but she didn't give me much of a hard time over it either. I told her that I need to catch up on what I have missed on life or I won't ever be as happy as I'd like to be. In fact, while I'm still single and somewhat unemployed (I'm currently IT contracting for Neliance at quite a large pay while searching for the right company to have a long-term career with), I plan on continuing to use all that free time to further solidify and improve on things. I so am ready to settle down, but no way: I'm not going to rush anything.
I'll take things slowly, and I definitely know what I want in a woman. Know what's awesome? It's good finding that my romantic side has started to return. Laughter and my better sense of humor still are AWOL though Charm? Nah, don't think I ever had one, but I make up for it by being a sincere person who has learnt a lot from his past mistakes.
You think I've gotten an "enviably healthy attitude about the whole [break-up]"? Perhaps. Couldn't have done it without the support of true friends who want nothing more than the best for you. People like that are hard to find and I consider myself one of them. What also helps is knowing that Kim's been very happy although I feel that what happened to her prior to meeting me will happen again. There's nothing I can do about it other than hoping for her best.
Lexi, seems like you misread what I wrote in my post. I do NOT "hate" Kim. Rather, I feel disappointment and resentment towards the way she had been treating me. Never have I been consistently put down for so long by someone I care so much about in my life, although I do know that it's unintentional. Friendship with her is not possible at this moment as one without trust, sincerity, consideration, and honesty is like none at all. You are right, it is not my personality to hate anyone, not even that former friend of mine although he can go @#$$# himself for all I care. There are two types of "friends" that I dislike: fake, backstabbing people and those who only call when they need something. He fits the former and people like these do not deserve to receive my friendship.
I promised Kim that I'd wait until February 19, 2005 (our 5th year anniversary) before I choose to move on. What friends know about me is that I generally do my best to not break any promises, and this is one of them because I sincerely believe that if she were willing to, things would work out between the two of us. February 19 is absolute, however. That day will either be the close of the chapter in my life or the beginning of a renewed relationship. It's her choice. I will not, however, be a second choice if she has already gone out with someone. It will be her loss if she chooses not to look over the wall and see what good has developed on the other side.
Anyway, we also watched an old video tape of a New Year's celebration of hmm... at least 15 years ago (before I even came to America.) It was such a FUNNY sight seeing how YOUNG and different our aunties, uncles, and grandparents were -- not to mention how different my cousins looked when they were younger. As one of my cousins said, "Damn, you guys were all ugly!" hahaha... I look forward to next year when we'll see a tape from the early 1990s and how MY family looked back then.
Yup, I tossed away her phone number after leaving Sports Chalet. If she had given it to me after February 19, I would have kept it, but hey, no regrets. I am not in a desperate need for a girlfriend. A former friend of mine once taught me, "Women love being called 'babe'" and gave me some pick-up lines to use. Boy, they were really good. He really does seem to have a lot of charm and know-how on how women think and what they want, but you know: I don't need words or lines. I want to ensure that whoever the next special person may be, that she'll be treated just that: special. So, no, I'm in no rush. I don't need to go out with over 8 women to know what I want. I already know what I want.
You asked me to promise to go on dates and meet fresh women, but no: I promised February 19 and I'll keep it that way. After that, my doors for Kim WILL be slammed shut and sealed. She already knows about that anniversary and although we haven't talked for nearly 3 weeks, it's all up to her now.
Lexi, you should definitely take your own advice though. Mourning over Tim for so long isn't healthy. He WANTS you to be happy. Go make him happy.
I don't think it's a good idea to try to hook up your classmate with the teacher. In fact, I'd advise her to wait until the course is OVER and after the grades have been turned in before she even CONSIDERS going out with a professor. It's simply unprofessional on his part if he were to go out with her. I, myself, made it perfectly clear to some of my students that I would not go out with a student (and re-iterated that I was in a relationship -- but that apparently doesn't have any effect on some people. What's wrong with those people??)
Why were you thinking of me when you guys talked about hooking up your teammate with the instructor?
When you mentioned how outspoken one of your classmates was in regards to multiple choice exams, it made me smile. I had such a student in one of my stressful classes too. He was adamantly against using PowerPoint slides for lectures (which, in a way, is an insult considering that my slides were deemed highly effective in teaching the course material) and was very vocal about it too. He actually praised one of our school's WORST teachers for his use of the board instead of slides. Apparently, chit chatting with the students, rather than teaching, was favorable to that student. Teaching can be a very unthankful profession. I actually decided to no longer teach for the near future and rather focus on myself.
Anyway, I'm becoming quite happy with where I am now, with or without Kim. I have lots of things I still want to accomplish, and whatever I cannot complete before life becomes busy again, I will leave those open to experience with my new love.
Hmm... time to turn off the relaxing music that's been playing... Animal Planet's Jeff Corwin is coming up. Ciao
Michael
Last edited by Mikey_ on Sun Jun 12, 2005 10:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
It also only takes 1 push of a button on the keyboard to get to the bottom: "End"
Talking about pictures, I have done some thinking about my career and depending on family (my own family) and financial situation, I see myself doing IT for a while longer before deciding to drop out and change into art/graphics (not anytime soon though.) It's by far less stressful and things don't change as quickly as in IT. I haven't been so sure about the things I want for such a long time. How I have changed!
I'm particularly excited to remember again how quickly I tend to pick up things that I am passionate about. Photography and snowboarding are some of them.
What are you doing up still?
Ciao, going back to TV now. Will check back here another time.
yay! for photography!! for me, it won't be a career, but most definately a constant hobby of mine.
i have a passion to pick up a lot of hobbies right now. my only problem is the time. i don't have time....to:
-take a dancing class
-take a karate or self-defense class
-theater/acting (again)
-vocal/singing (again)
-cosmotology
oh and so much more....my list goes on. these are on top of my list at the moment. i will make TIME as soon as i can find a gap.
i'm watching conan o brien!!
what were you watching?
[edit]
going to sleep now. eyes burning...
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
A photography Degree is equivalent to a Poor man's degree.
man that was a long post, i didn't get to read most of the, i skim thru it cuz i wasn't sure what i was readying anyways. the pictures caught my attention tho =) mike, you made me miss my fishes back home.
How did u take those nice photos of the fishes? I tried to take photos of my fishes, it never came out as nice as yours.
Eddy, photography skills will help you do other graphics-related things though, such as ads, menus, etc, right? Then there are wedding pictures, and so on...
Long post indeed Most of it probably won't make sense until you read the OTHER long posts
I took the pictures straight-on and perpendicular to the glass. Taking the pictures at an angle distorted the images due to water's properties. I also used flash, shutter priority with speed 200. And minor photoshop editing with some of the pictures (mainly brightness/levels.)
Fishes back home? Aren't you back in the US right now?
We have fishes too at home since Xmas (it was a gift for my nephew : 3 common goldfishes) nganh tried to take some photo but they were not good at all lolol, she bought a plant too to decorate (there is no decoration in fact) but the aquarium is too small lol and she had to give it back to the animal shop (the plant, not the fishes lol)
We have one like spunky, one like bully and the third one is all black with big big eyes !
Wow! I love your photographs of your fish. The lighting in these photos is really great! You are really good photographer! I signed up for a photography class once, many, many moons ago. It was really fun. Don’t ask me what I learned in there because I would not be able to tell you. I don’t remember the text and exam part of the class that well. I do remember roaming Orange County and LA County taking fabulous photos. I love the beach and I submitted a few beach scene photos that I had taken in Laguna Beach. My teacher loved them and sent them in to some magazine and I ended up winning $100. I’m thinking of taking a photography class at Mt. Sac this summer. I hear that it only meets twice the entire summer and they take you to Catalina to take the photos.
I am not photography pro at all. My beach photos came out stunning by some fluke. I do enjoy looking at artsy photography. You are quite talented, Mr. Yuen. I really like your fish photos.
I am tired tonight. I had an ADDI funding training to go to in Los Angeles today. I hate wearing high heels!!! You know, wearing sexy, little strappy sandals when going out with friends or whatever never seems to bother me. But when I have to wear heels at work, I hate it. You are lucky you are a guy and don’t have to worry about these things. My training was at the Beverly Wilshire. I decided to take the train to Los Angeles from the Fullerton Depot for the very first time. What an adventure. I loved it! It was nothing like what I had imagined and I had a totally good time. I can’t wait to ride the train again someday. The subway was way cool, too. I’ve been on a subway on New York, Virginia, Georgia, D.C., New Jersey, basically in the East Coast, but I have never been on a subway here in Southern California. It was a trip. I felt like I was on vacation on something. It was really fun. I am tired though. The minute I walked in my front door off went my shoes, my jacket, my bra, and my pantyhose. I threw myself on the couch and took a nap. It’s been a fun but long day.
I could hear my mom inquiring if I had eaten yet. She gets so annoyed with me if I eat out when she has been cooking dinner. Today I was good and decided to please her by eating in. She made one of my favorites, teriyaki chicken. My mom, I love her to death even if she is a nag. She’s really cute and I don’t know what I would do without her. She’s so old fashioned and uptight about most everything. I get a kick out of pulling her chain. She’s a lot of fun though and I am so grateful for all the love that she gives me. Anyway, enough of the schmalty love-dovey mom description. It sounds like your mom and my mom have a great deal in common. They both seem to adore their children.
I’m glad to hear that you are learning new cooking skills. I can cook, too, but I am not that great at it. My mom rules the kitchen and well to be honest, other than to make a sandwich every once in a while, I don’t venture into the kitchen much. I know that this will change when I move out. It will have to if I don’t want to starve. Do you live on your own? I was not sure. I’m more of a dessert chef. I make all kinds of yummy, sugary treats when I have time. I made myself a banana cake (from scratch!!!) a few weeks ago. It was really good. Everybody was really impressed with my culinary talents. Next time I make this, I’ll have to make more. It did not turn out being very big and I only got to have a small piece. It was super good though. You’ll have to let me make it for you sometime. Yum, salad! I am a big fruit and vegetable eater. I’m not sure what kind of a salad you are referring to but I don’t really like potato salad much. I don’t like mayonnaise. I love mustard but I never have liked mayonnaise. Pretty much any kind of salad is good to me, though. I especially like tomatoes in my salad. I can eat tomatoes all day long.
That was really nice of you to drive your friend home. Geez, I wish someone would drive me home from school sometimes. I’m pretty sleepy by the time class ends. I do almost no studying during the week. I save it for the weekend. Unless I can’t get to it during the week and then I do take care of it in the early morning hours before leaving for work. It makes for a long day but tis the life of a full time student with a full time job. My quiz went well. Thank you very much for asking. I didn’t fail it the way I had expected. I got 16 out of 20 correct. What is that? I think that is a C. I will need to pick up the pace on the next quiz which happens to be next week. I’ll be content with a B in the course but I am striving for an A. I ended up dropping one more class. I really need to only be going to school part-time this semester. It’s my first semester back to school and I am learning the ropes at a new job. I think carrying a load of 9 units is all I can really handle right now with my current work schedule. The deciding factor for my dropping another class was an incident that occurred last week. I was at a meeting in Los Angeles that started at 4:00 P.M. My class started that evening at 6:00 P.M. Though I tried to move my meeting along at a quick pace, I didn’t leave there until about 10 minutes to six. I got to school almost at 8 P.M. and I missed the quiz. No big deal because this class has daily quizzes. The teacher does not allow make-up quizzes; it clearly states this in the syllabus. We will have 15 quizzes at 5 points each and no make-ups. They are short and easy quizzes for this class but I just don’t want to deal with this particular class. The teacher is a real stickler and I don’t feel like begging for understanding from him. At this stage in the game, one would think that he understand that some of us are working and exceptions need to be made but he did bold and underline the words “No Exceptions” on his syllabus. So I dropped. I’m fine with my decision. At least this now leaves me with more time to really concentrate on my other three classes and really get grades on these 9 units. I feel good about my decision to drop a second class. This is much more manageable schedule for me and I am still not going to summer school. I’m tired and the semester just started. This summer I plan to do nothing but vege out on the beach with a frothy, fruity drink. Do I sound like a bum yet? You better believe it!
It’s so neat to hear you discovering things about yourself and realizing that you are indeed a pretty cool guy. I’ve been reading your posts for some time now and I am at a loss as to why you would ever believe anything to the contrary. I don’t think that I have read a thing that would lead me to believe that you are anything but a good person. May you continue to grow in confidence and may you continue to lead a full and happy life. There are lots of things to learn in life and it sounds like you are doing a good job of embracing life and just enjoying your time here. Good luck!!
MB: Thanks for inquiring after me. So how are you? I hope that you are doing well. Sorry, so sorry for the long message. I had been unable to stop in here for a few days. You know how it is. You work in retail, right? I don’t work in retail but sometimes I have the unpredictable hours of a retail job. As a child I remember thinking how great and exciting it would be to have a job that would allow me to travel. Not anymore. Now I know the reality of what having a job that takes you from place to place is. But I can’t complain. I love what I do for a living and I love knowing that my work provides relief for low income people in my community. Anyway, it’s good to see your posts again. I hope that all is well in your world and I promise; one of these days, I’ll just plop myself on your friend Michael’s couch and force him to listen to all my dizzy ramblings in person rather than subjecting all of you guys to my nuttiness. Have a wonderful week and thanks, again!!
Michael: Yeah, I love horror movies. The bloodier the better. It’s so fake and stuff but I have always gotten a kick out of the macabre. No tear-jerkers. I am the biggest cry baby and can not watch stories of the miserable plight of others. It makes me want to cry. Besides, some of the stuff in movies, we can open up the Los Angeles Times or the Orange County Register and hear similar stories in real life. Have you seen that movie Monster? It’s with that total babe, Charlize Theron. I saw that at a friend’s house like a year ago or so. There is this totally disturbing scene in that movie where Charlize is getting raped or sodomized by some guy. It was awful. I feel sick just remembering that scene. Anyway, flip open the Orange County Register and we can read the same story only with real characters. The ex Orange County Sherrif’s son is awaiting trial for sodomizing a girl with a pool stick at his house with a group of buddies cheering him on. I won’t going into details as this is a kid friendly website but its pretty amazing what some people can try to get away with. The movie Monster is a real thought provoker but so is real life. Give me fantasy anytime. I also like watching cartoons. Cartoons are the best. I watched a few episodes of Futurama the other day. Too funny! It’s kind of like the Simpsons. And it is short. Thirty minutes and it is over.
I had to laugh when you mentioned that Kim was a pretty private person. I try to be more subdued and private but it doesn’t always turn out that way. It’s just not my nature. I am a total chatterbox and I have to admit I can not keep a secret. Don’t tell me any secrets because I will tell the whole world. Just kidding! Depending on who I am with though, I tend to be quite chatty and open. In fact, I’ll tell you about my childhood right now. I had a very happy childhood. There was always lots of love from my family. My family is far from wealthy but I have to admit that I can’t remember a time when they last said no to me or denied me something. I have a good family who really loves me and has loved me since they day I came kicking and screaming into this world. We lived in a safer time than we do today and I can remember book’n it down my street on my skateboard looking for adventure. My parents have always been and always will be overbearing and protective but one thing I am certain of is that I am deeply loved. Despite a lot of things, I have a good life. I do think you should have gotten to know a little more about Kim and her family/childhood. Don’t worry about it though. You and I are, once again, in the same boat on this matter. Tim never shared too much about his childhood either. I got to meet some family members but his family was so different from mine that we usually just stuck to my side of the tracks. His dad and I got along well. We cemented our friendship early on but other than that, we were all as different as night and day. A huge chiasm kind of existed between us. They were all cool with me because Tim made it clear that he thought I hung the moon but I still never really felt comfortable over there. Oh well! Live and let live, I always say.
I know that you think mourning over someone for two years is not healthy. Many of my friends think along those same lines, too. Perhaps you are all correct but I disagree. From the behavioral science books, articles and journals that I have read dealing with grief, I seem to be behaving and recovering quite normally for someone who has experienced sudden grief. You see, I did not have a real outlet that I felt that I could trust with my feelings of grief and so I did the next best thing to deal with some of the confused, angry, and depressed feelings that I was experiencing; I researched the topic of grief. It’s actually quite common for people to grieve for 1, 2 sometimes even 3 years after the death of a loved one. I learned that my feelings and thoughts were actually right on target with what most behavioral scientists considered to be normal.
I’ll be honest and tell you that I wish I could have come around and bounced back as quickly as friends and family would have wanted me to. I think I botched, perhaps even, delayed my stages of grieving a bit by shutting people out and withdrawing but I didn’t really know of any other way of handling it. I was in an excruciating amount of pain and I did not want an audience for my misery. I did a lot of soul searching and I am now happy with how I am coming along on this.
On the day that I learned Tim died, I was walking around the house looking for my car keys to go shopping for a quick “I missed you” gift to give to Tim later on that afternoon. We had not seen each other in almost two days because it was near the holidays and I had some Christmas shopping to take care of with family. I was walking around the living room looking for my car keys trying to decide whether I wanted to pick him up flowers or his favorite chocolate brownie bites. It was around noon and I knew that he would not be home until around 2:00 P.M. I had decided that I would get both flowers and brownies and go wait for him at his place. I knew he would enjoy finding me waiting for him at his place and so I hurriedly searched for my car keys. The phone rang and they broke the bad news to me. I never did go shopping that day. Less than 48 hours later I found myself alone in a funeral parlor with a nasally voiced funeral director shopping for an entirely different reason. I was shopping for Tim’s coffin. It was pretty sudden and very traumatic. I traveled this road alone. Completely, 100% alone. I made it abundantly clear to both sides of the house that I wanted no ones company during the painful interviews with Rose Hills Mortuary. I could not bear for anyone to even as much as look at me; I was so pissed off and aching with hurt. I made all the necessary funeral arrangements but the fun was not quite over yet. Tim was a perfectly healthy, young man and the LA County sheriff’s coroner office could not close this case for an entire year. After much deliberation and much scratching of the head, County doctors concluded that they had no clue what had happened to him and they issued us an official death certificate. This is where the real fun started. Tim had investments and real property that needed to be attended to. There was months of appearing before the courts and putting our ducks in order so that the state would not take possession of over half a million dollars of his assets. His father and I dealt with this entire surreal experience for almost the entire two years. Probate will officially close this summer. All I have to say is don’t ever die without a will. It’s Hell on the survivor’s family.
Have you ever heard parents say something like “Kids: they don’t come with instructions”? Well neither does death nor grieving. No instructions anywhere in sight. I swear. You just have to kind of learn as you go and hope for the best. I went through what is commonly referred to as grief from a sudden death. This can be especially traumatic for someone like me, who has never experienced any kind of death before. I might have handled this wrong in the beginning but I think I am on the right track now. I honestly think that the worst is over. I still miss Tim, of course. I always will. We never cease to miss those that we love who have passed but I feel a real freedom and peace that just feels amazingly good. I do intend to date other people. I’m not planning on rushing into anything but I am open to whatever happens from here on out.
I’m at a place again where I feel very lucky to be alive and I am enjoying every last moment of my life. It’s been a long time coming, this feeling of cheer, but its here and I am grateful.
I tend to be really picky on the guys that I will date. I know that girls say stuff like this all the time but this time it is really true. I don’t care what a man looks like. He can be bald, short, fat, skinny, old, young, whatever, as long as he his intelligent and kind. I could not date an airhead or someone who was cruel. I’m into guys who are confident and down to earth. That’s it, no other criteria. You are sooOOoo funny!! I recommend that you do NOT use cheesy pick-up lines. Woman hate pick-up lines. If you don’t believe me on this, ask MB. Also, I do not know of a single woman who likes to be called “babe”. Most women, hate being called things like “Doll” “Sugar” “Babe”. Let me see, what do I like being called… I just like being called by my name. Don’t listen to me though. I swear, I am a total geek. I would ask MB or something on this one but I am pretty sure that woman don’t like being called “babe”. I would prefer to date a fellow geek. I don’t really find the rico suave type attractive. I am pretty untutored in the dating game. Like I mentioned before, Tim was my first and my one and only for everything from holding hands to whatever. So once I set my eyes on someone I would like to date, I will totally need advice myself on how to nab him. Somehow the latest trend of donning a short, tight leather mini just doesn’t fit my personality… Oh well, I’ll figure it out when the time come, I suppose.
Hey! Read your condo/apartment lease carefully. The property owner is supposed to paint and change or shampoo your carpet for you on a regular basis. Many property owners try to pass on that responsibility to their tenants. I hope you read your agreement carefully.
Is your biological clock ticking? You’re beginning to sound like me. I want a kid soooo badly. I am glad that I don’t have one though because I am not ready for one yet. I see other people’s kids though and I totally want one of my own. I am going to be such a great mother. I swear I will be. I love kids. How many kids do you want? I want four of them but in all honestly I will probably only be able to afford one or two of them. More so than wanting to provide my kids with financial security, I want to provide them with a good father. I think family is really important and I want to be able to provide a loving environment to my kids. I should probably not get too ahead of myself and concentrate on finishing school and finding a date first. I can’t help thinking about it though. I have a several co-workers who have small toddlers and I just love the kids. I want one of my own. One of these days...
It sounds like you had fun in Temecula. How cute! You have a young admirer. I think kids are adorable. I also think it was very nice of your family to not bring up Kim. I’ve been there and I know that look in peoples eyes… at least its over and you had a good time. O.K. So Kim has a deadline, February 19th. I’m not religious and I don’t pray but I will keep my fingers crossed that this girl will come to her senses and that things will work out for you. You never know. Stranger things have happened. I’m not sure what you mean by second choice and/or if you think Kim might already be dating someone else but I do wish you the best on this. I’ll come back in here and check on you on this. Ah, Michael, isn’t love strange sometimes. Almost makes you never want to fall in love again doesn’t it? Almost. We can’t let these things define us, set us back or detract us from our goals. I know what my goal is: to meet brand new prince. I know he’s out there. I hope that you meet your relationship goals, whatever they me be.
I have to finish telling you about my classmates crush on the teacher and the latest scoop but I am super sleepy all of a sudden. I have to go to work tomorrow. I have to be awake in like 5 hours. I better go. I’ll be out of town as of the 15th but I will return on 23rd.
Lexi: Hi Lexi, it's good to see you back on hkss. i'm doing fine. just taking it one day at a time. haha* you and mike have a lot to say, and that's ok. it helps to just vent and talk about things. yes, i work in retail and i agree, i don't always visit here every single day.
take care!
mike:
nice new pictures.
um...yea, i don't like people calling me babe. hun, honey and sweety is sometimes ok because i have friends call me that sometimes. cheesy pick up lines don't work on me, but it sure makes me laugh...so in a sense, i guess it can. hmm...
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
Music
eww...spunky, that's gross!!
)
(maybe you're leaving me a message.) hahaha*/fi_av_smiles_y_44.gif)
I love this kind of thing!
