Ah, what wonders a nice, cold shower can be
Nice and refreshing!
Anyway, I bought 2 new White Fiddler Crabs and have just come up with a name for the male one:
Ninja. Named for the way it's moving its claws and legs in defense and for its hilarious, robotic movements (Mb, you missed out a few minutes ago!) I haven't named the female White Fiddler Crab yet. She flew down the tank not too long ago -- a la DaVinci style. Pictures will be taken someday.
This Wednesday will be movie night for me and a few friends -- we'll be attending a free screening of an Adam Sandler/Chris Rock movie that night
Mb, it's good to hear that you're doing well with your workout. I've noticed that it has definitely added to your confidence just like it has been for me.
Inspiration needs to come from within though it may initially be hard to find. Believe me, I've struggled with finding it for months, but once you have found it, it'll have to continue coming from within. So, be sure to grab on to it and find ways not to let it go. I've been using several things around me and events from the past (particularly all the bad things I used to be and do) to help guide me daily. If you have the goal for improvement in your mind -- and you can clearly see it right in front of you -- it'll make it even easier. Friends can be a big motivation as well.
You have to look within yourself to see what creates happiness. Inspiration can come from everywhere. My first was the fish tank. It started putting love, care, maturity, responsibility, and curiosity back into my life. Taking pictures of people and capturing life's essence helped me remember that love is everywhere. From the mother taking a walk with her baby, to the old couple walking together "hand-in-hand" and nothing but a trolly (?) full of cans behind them, to a family taking a bike ride together -- life is beautiful. I'll share some of those pictures with you all someday.
EDIT: Here they are...
Don't worry about the resume. I'll be happy once you have found the job you're worthy of, and we definitely need to work on your confidence. Everything that was stated in the resume -- it's all you! You did all that!
For the sake of you and your friend, stay away from a rebound relationship. As I already shared with you: yes, it's hard to feel that emptiness in you, but isn't it better if you can find the strength to overcome that? Desire is the root of all suffering. It may feel good in the short-term, but is that what you really want? You'll find that if you can overcome that emptiness, you'll not only be stronger, but you'll also see how good life can be when you are able to overcome that chaotic tearing deep within your heart. You'll feel even more free. You'll be able to make better decisions and find what it is that you truly want, rather than being blinded by a rebound and what you may THINK is you being in "true love."
Sure, it feels very good to fall in love again. To have someone care about you, to hold and cuddle with you. To do everything that your previous ex didn't do or didn't do enough of. (I have more to say on that subject, but in short, sort of: it's not healthy to compare your new interest with your ex. There's a reason for why you fell in love with your ex in the first place. And in regard to all the bad things about your ex: a tired relationship definitely will overshadow all the good that was between the two of you, and you'll likely remember all the bad things the most. That's human. Just like on the job. Keep that in mind before you write your ex off completely.)
But, back on the subject... How do you know you're not in a rebound? Are you truly in love? Is your new interest truly someone who's not just there to fill that emptiness in you? Do yourself a favor and give yourself at least a year -- to figure out who you are, what you truly want, and to find that happiness in you. Once you've found that, you'll then be more able to share that with your new love.
Let me know if I was too frank with you with our in-person and phone conversations. You do have low self-esteem and I'm hoping that one day, you'll find what makes you special. I've been sugar-coating things less than what I used to do -- perhaps it's coming from my own new-found strength and confidence. You have become more blunt as well, and that's good! With confidence comes the awareness of knowing what you want and that nobody can nor should put you down, including yourself.
Your female friends and their rebounds... No comment
My next-door neighbor spoke with me on Saturday while I was tuning and waxing my snowboard (to get it ready for off-season storage.) He's a disabled Air Force Vietnam War veteran and was kind of creepy the way he talked. His wife currently is in the Phillippines to take care of some family matters and the couple will likely be moving out by August. He was lonely and so I spoke with him for some time. I thanked him for what he did for America during that war. He has a great respect for the people of Vietnam, and so do I. I've heard some stories from a few of my Vietnamese acquaintances and friends and it just fills me with awe on how strong people can be. It reminds me of my own parents and their struggles. I'll be taking mom and dad to an optometrist soon to have their eyes checked out and will be paying for however much it'll cost.
I couldn't figure out what my snowboard lock combination was -- it consists of 4 numbers, each ranging from 1 to 6. So, I did a very unscientific "lock" cracking hehehe... Put the first digit at 6 and slowly went through each number on the remaining 3 digits until it unlocked. Woohoo! The next question was: how will I remember this from now on beside writing the number down?
1635. That's the combination. It's 100 less than Kim's house number (1735.) There, got it.
1735 was the number I saw again tonight on my way to the gym right a few seconds after Kim entered my thoughts. There it was... brightly standing out from the surrounding darkness on the house's (or apartment complex's?) gate.
What a coincidence huh? What's more, last week up to today has really been strange. MB and I were shopping for food before working on the resume when we met Kim's sister at Albertson's. I was overjoyed but saddened at the same time. She looked tired, uncomfortable, or bothered and we didn't say much to each other. Seeing her instantly rushed sadness throughout my entire body, and all I could think of was Kim. I wanted to ask her how Kim was doing, but refrained from doing so.
Only on Saturday did I have a very bad dream involving Kim and had another one on Sunday morning. I mentioned it to MB that morning and shrugged it off. Told myself to find that happiness from within and enjoy the day. I wish the good dreams came back, but I apparently had a bad night's sleep this morning too (Monday) because my back was sore all day at work today. The workout at the gym tonight helped alleviate some of that pain.
I'm hoping for the dreams to change tonight and if they don't, at least let me not remember them. I felt so helpless in every single one of them like that glass room I told you, Lexi, about not too long ago.
Talking about Kim... Just before I left work today, a Kim look-alike was at the enterprise copier/printer and couldn't figure out how to fix that error it was having. She had glasses, short hair, and is about the same height. Her figure was a bit slimmer though. She asked me for help (not knowing that I work in IT.) What's even more funny is that her last name is Kim (she's Korean.) Talk about weirdness! I spoke with her for a bit and welcomed her to the company as she got hired around the same time I was brought in.
All these Kim references lately, am I losing my mind? What do all those good and bad dreams mean, damnit?! I have to keep reminding myself that all those dreams should be cherished and not fought or made sense of. It'll only make you go crazy. So, Lexi, if you're reading this: I actually think it's best that you do NOT dream of Tim. It'll only hurt you more. Be strong and let it all go. I wish I could do that, but it's hard to fight dreams when you're sleeping.
Anyway, I bought new clothes yesterday (Sunday) and tomorrow I'll be wearing something that I never really wore before. We'll see what people think
Something really heavy struck my heart on Thursday evening when an acquaintance and I went to eat Pho in Westminster after a long work-out. (Mb, I've told you about this already) It was pretty good, but really greasy! On our way back to my car, there was this woman outside that was begging for money and I really wanted to give her some, but there was absolutely no cash in my wallet that night (paid for Pho with credit card)! I absolutely felt really bad and asked her multiple times if she was hungry and even did some signs for food, but she didn't seem to understand. I pointed at the Pho restaurant that my acquaintance and I just ate at and motioned for her to follow me so that I could buy her a bowl of Pho with the credit card, but she refused to follow. We made several more attempts in asking her to follow us to the restaurant, but she eventually walked away. I felt so freaking bad that night because she looked really out of shape! I still do not understand why she didn't follow us...
Lexi, your e-mail was kind of hilarious. You and your comment about Tim hehehe... You guys are dorks! Actually, aren't we all?! Yes, Kim is a terrific woman and I can only wish her all the best and that she's found all the happiness she's been looking for. Everybody deserves finding that happiness. Just look within yourself. What is it that you truly want? What are your aspirations? The break-up with Kim really has made me grow quite a bit. I'm very thankful for that, but am still ashamed for all the bad things that happened between the two of us. Sometimes you'll wish that you can turn back time just to have one more moment with the one you cherish, but that is something you cannot do. Be thankful for everything you experienced with that other person and for everything that you have learned since that experience. There will come a day where love will unfold again -- may it be with your previous love (MB) or someone new (Lexi.) All that love that's been building up will only have one way to go. And that way is up and around you.
It's time to sleep.
Oh yeah, I'm pretty upset about what happened to my car the past month. Dad and I just replaced the front 2 tires with brand-new ones from Sears when a week ago my rear passenger tire was punctured by 3 nails. I took the tire to a tire shop to get it patched when they told me that it could not be fixed. One of the nails was long and went into the tire from the SIDE! Eh? Really? A nail went in sideways, huh? Yeah, whatever. I told them to just put on the spare for me and I'll go somewhere else. So, bought yet another new tire from Sears (dad wanted them to match the front ones.)
Then on Friday, my last, older tire (driver's rear) flattened too! Ack! What kind of coincidence was that??? It was a large, metallic shrapnel that got lodged into the tire. I remember trying to avoid that accident spot on the 5 freeway the day before. Yeah, had to buy yet another new tire. Grrrr! That's $600 spent the past 3 weeks on that car!
Talking about accident spot, there was a bad accident on my way home from the gym tonight. It was on the corner of Brookhurst and Ball Road (yes, the same road I told you guys about that Kim and I took long time ago.) There was a dark car being towed away and a white one. 4 Police cars, 2 fire trucks, and an ambulance, and a bunch of on-lookers. Couldn't really see what happened as it was kind of dark, but I think the white car got hit from the side or back. A person was being moved into the ambulance. Hope they are doing okay.
Anyway, it's late. Nite nite! Mb, hope you had a good workout. Enjoy your day off today (Tuesday.) Go take some pictures -- it was really nice and cool today.
Michael
EDIT: Ninja (male crab) is waving his large claw in a robotic movement again trying to impress the female hehehe... I'm glad I read up on that interaction between male and female Fiddler Crabs. They are VERY fun to watch now!