I accepted the offer and am officially starting at my new job on Thursday! Woot! It's about time my career's back on track
Hmm... other than that, oh yeah... Long Beach was NICE last night! Saw probably thousands of Grunions getting swooped onto the sandy beach for mating -- took a few pictures with my camera phone as the Canon camera was at home. Will share those another time. It was surreal, especially when the water came up to the feet and those fishes were touching you from all around -- it was kind of gross at the same time. Wouldn't want to do THAT again!
Michael
EDIT: Cool! I wanted to try this... "You can watch grunion eggs hatch by collecting a cluster of eggs after a grunion run and keeping them in a loosely covered container of damp sand in a cool spot for 10-15 days. Then, add one teaspoon of sand and eggs to one cup of sea water and shake gently; the eggs will hatch before your eyes in a few minutes. "
I spent a fun weekend at Sea World with my nephew last summer and I decided to take him on a grunion run. It was a blast! I'd only heard the phrase "grunion run" but I had never actually experienced it. I thought it was pretty interesting. My nephew seemed to get a kick out of it, too.
I plan to take another short weekend trip with him some time in September. It would be fun if we could do the grunion run thing again. I think that might be too late, though.
Received your long e-mail. Will respond to it another time.
Grunions season apparently is between March and September, with Mach, April, May, June, July being predictable enough. Good luck, as they say, with any other months. Peak time is April/May and that's the time when catching Grunions is prohibited.
They apparently are bony but have a very flavorful taste. Don't think I'll try one hehehe...
Gotta go to make a presentation at DeVry today. Ciao!
I've received all 3 of your long e-mails, Lexi. Just haven't had the chance to write back yet. Will respond to them either here and/or shortly after posting this.
Work has been unexpectedly very, very pleasant. The people are REALLY great, the environment very welcoming, and the work is challenging enough for the time being until we roll out multi-million dollar projects in the coming years. Can't wait! Even the hours are quite flexible: as long as you work 8 hours during reasonable times, you're good The local IT team consists of 5 men (including me) and 2 women. I'm the youngest in the team with one of the females just a year older.
I recently visited my former contract employer to see how everybody was doing as I promised I'd visit before starting to work again. It was good seeing them all again, and although I didn't want to talk about my new job, that's the first thing practically EVERYBODY asked. The girl that liked me couldn't believe who she was seeing, but I didn't talk with her much. My heart's still sealed, you know. Their company's IT team had a long chat with me and after talking with them for a while, it dawned upon me that I really did strike gold with my new job in terms of people, opportunities, benefits, and especially pay (did I mention that it's an hourly position?) I don't think I can ask for anything better! One of the best parts: walking alongside Newport Back Bay during lunch or dropping by Corona Del Mar for a quick relaxation under the sun Planning on going kayaking at Newport Back Bay again sometime...
Newport Back Bay
At the end of the visit, one of the senior IT staff noted that I have more friends at their company than he does -- and he's worked there for 10 years! Funny how strange things can sometimes be.
You know, when people say that "everything happens for a reason", I've become more and more of a believer. Not because things just happen to a person, but because a person becomes stronger as a RESULT of those events. A very good example is what has happened with me ever since the break-up with Kim. You've already seen through the long posts how I progressed from extreme sadness and -- for lack of better words -- stupidity to where I am now. And the result? I wouldn't want to be who I used to be. I'm happy with where I am now. The break-up, in other words, made me stronger, wiser, more experienced, more respectful, more patient, and most importantly: more loving again, among many, many other things.
But something did bother me. Something seemed to be wrong and I couldn't figure it out. I felt that a part of me that I used to be no longer existed, and so I asked one of my female friends the other day, "You've known, lived, and worked with me since ictp, and have known me prior and after the break-up. How am I now compared to a year ago?" Her answer surprised the bejeezus out of me: "You're more mature." Didn't expect that at all. I haven't figured out yet if that's a good or bad thing. Only time will tell.
Yesterday, I thanked several of my friends for a variety of things. If I didn't meet Kim, I would still be a mess. She showed me the wonders of the world and what unconditional -- unconditional -- love was like. She helped me focus on my MIS degree, which eventually landed me in an IT training program that was advertised in a fraudulent way. That program led me to a life lesson I'd never forget: super-long hours, politics, teaching, patience, problem resolution and communication skills, endurance, corruption, dreams, compassion, disappointments, how everything did in one way or another affect Kim and my relationship, how rotten some people can be (am referring to the company's president), and how gullible I was. This led me to trying another start-up company led by the same president, only to be taken advantage of once again. Learned a few skills from the president along the way before joining Neliance.
Neliance eventually started instilling confidence in my IT skills, which later led to the contract with Sybron Dental Specialties. This 4-month contract gave me all the skills and insight I needed to eventually land NDS. Without SDS, I probably wouldn't have been able to join NDS. Am I glad I didn't accept SDS' multiple job offers... Heck, there even are some eerie similarities: SDS/NDS. Annie Vu (Sr. Help Desk at SDS) and Anna Vo (Sr. Help Desk at NDS.) SDS recently securing a long-term lease for its new HQ at the same building as NDS. My time at SDS also gave me other life lessons that eventually led me to be who I am now. I'm certain that NDS will teach me other lessons I won't forget.
When Kim said that Karma exists, I'm slowly starting to believe in that too now. It seems that everything in life's interwoven although I still attempt to rationalize it as "the result of past events form one's future events." Has anybody ever said that before?
How's THAT for philosophy? hehehe... Seriously, it seems that I've grown 10 years the past year.
Anyway, I agree with you that students are taught a different mindset in business school -- things in business definitely move at a much more rapid pace than governments. How's your 76% class doing?
You asked about dress code and when I started at NDS. First day was on Thursday and it's business casual, with casual Fridays. I dislike wearing suits -- they are so uncomfortable and restricting. Plus, I don't like the fact that I'd have to ensure the suit doesn't get messed up on-the-job, especially in IT. That's why I turned down AmeriQuest multiple times.
MB and Nniicky, Lexi said "Hi." And Nniicky, she also said, "...cute screen name, by the way..."
Tim used to run 20 miles a day? That's crazy! How long did it take him to run that long? 4 hours? I don't think I'd have the time or the energy to do that... no way. Mb's been working out a lot lately too. I've been bad though: been only going once a week the past 3 weeks. Got to get back into a regular schedule... Glad to hear that you and your Santa Ana Community College friend are working out together more often now. How's your ankle?
There was a surprise birthday party yesterday for one of my friends and it was a blast! Water balloons were thrown at each other and we all got soaked wet. Heck, two balloons landed straight into my face. Ouch! Haven't felt uncomfortable in jeans for such a long time and eventually slipped into my workout shorts instead hehehe... When we ran out of balloons to throw, I grabbed the bucket full of cold water and dumped it all over Bobby -- I don't think I've ever seen a guy scream like a girl like that before hehehe... I also asked a Korean friend of mine to throw a balloon at a certain friend, but she missed and it hit ME instead. Eh...
In picture 7, the blacked-out friend loves eating rice -- look at how happy he was when we got him a rice cooker hehehe...
Shaky (Orange) and Speedy (White)
Shaky and Speedy are doing really well in the fish tank. They are both still shy and none of the fishes are comfortable enough to kiss my fingers Bully was quite unique...
Speedy (still a baby)
I have had a lot of dreams of Kim the past 2 weeks. Often I'd wake up at 3 or 5am in the morning when the dream of Kim becomes so unbearable -- ever missed someone so much that you get woken up from your dream? This is a first time for me. I tell myself to ignore the dreams and try to go back to sleep. It's not that I tell myself to dream about her... it just happens. What I still don't understand is why the dreams are occuring NOW rather than months ago when I still struggled to move on.
I often tell myself to try to be tough as to not show what I really feel deep inside whenever I see Kim. She probably thinks that I'm upset at her or that I want nothing to do with her, but pretending to be strong is the only way for me to deal with not being able to hold her in my arms, or the very thought that I can no longer grow old with her. It's disheartening. There are so many women out there that seem nice, and there are a few that seem like potential candidates, but yet my heart won't let go. It's been almost 7 months now, dammit! Yet, the experience of Kim's past love seems to be what continues to drive me to unconsciously improve (for myself.) Even when we're no longer together, she continues to subconsciously influence me for the better. Ironic eh?
Anyway, NDS gave me a laptop, an AT&T cell phone, and a very nice, silver car travel mug. Mikey likes
Did I share with you that I got dad to wear boot cut jeans? He likes them I yet have to get a chance to take mom shopping.
The sky's been so NICE the past few weeks! I've kept wanting to take a picture of it but never had the camera with me. Don't have time to go to the beach today as I have to finish something at home. Hmph. There will be other days I like how green the trees are today -- they really stand out against the blue sky with the white clouds. Mmmmm!
Today was GREAT! Felt being pampered at work today -- was tasked to help build 9 servers worth over $150,000. Had Mongolian for lunch -- interesting how they cook/serve it. Took a small walk along Newport Back Bay -- may eat my self-cooked lunch there tomorrow. Worked out again today. Boy, am I out of shape and 4 lbs heavier. So much for pigging out last week hehehe... Mikey got spoiled
Oh, there's more! Company's sending me for Red Hat Linux training in June worth $2,600 in El Segundo. That will cover half of the Red Hat Certified Technician certification. Two more classes on top of that and I'm on my way to RHC Engineer, the most prestigious Linux certification available. Woo!
Surprises keep on coming! It feels nice to actually be spoiled by work for once...
it's so nice to hear everything is going well so far at your new job. it really does sound like you struck gold. now, i'm waiting for my luck to change...haha someday. anyhow, lately, i too have been spending my lunches outside. indeed, we've been having beautiful weather. of course, it doesn't compare to newport or corona, but it's nice. i've also been watching the sunset when i drive home....silly me, i always try to take a snap shot of it with my camera phone.
i've always believed that everything happened for a reason. also, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. like you, several events has changed my life a bit. i could feel it...i know now that no matter what happens in the future, i will be able to handle it.
for years, my emotions have been torn apart. even now, i'm still learning on how to deal with certain situations. but everyday gets a tad bit easier. everyday is a new day. that's how i like to look at it.
"the result of past events form one's future events."
i believe that's true. you experience something from the past, you learn and grow from it, and then you act on the future.
growing up and being more mature is always a good thing. as long as you still know when to have fun and basically still be a kid at heart, then it's perfect.
i understand what you're going through about trying hard not to show you're true feelings to someone you're trying to let go of. it definately is hard to do. i can tell you this, it's definately going to take you longer than 7 months. be patient...life will come back together for you in no time. as long as the past is helping you in a good way, you only have the future to look forward to.
as for myself, i've been trying really hard to block a lot of feelings and emotions from my mind. what i realize is that the harder i try, the worst it gets. i think too much... so, i started burying myself in work and friends again, which i'm not sure is a good thing or a bad thing, but it helps. once in awhile i get this sharp pain in my heart and i start to tear up. recently, instead of cutting off that feeling, i let it be. it's good to cry sometimes. it made me realize a lot of things. things i need to do, things i want out of life.
it's been so long since i've been single, i never knew what it would be like. i think the only difference i see is that i can focus on myself more and i don't have anyone limiting my life. you see, i've only experienced one kind of love, i know no other to compare to. throughout last year and up to this year, i've caught glimpses of what it may be like to be with someone different.
a perfect example of that would be my very good friend sumyra. she's been with this guy for 3 years and she says that things are wonderful. i can also see it when i hang out with them. so passionate about being together, yet independently strong.
anyhow, what did i get from my former relationship? my first thought was nothing, but as i think about it, and i know this might sound conceited or whatever, but.....i deserve better. i'm worth more. i gave and gave and gave and got nothing in return (not that i was waiting for something, but something would have been nice). no appreciation. no respect. i felt like a trophy girlfriend. also, with this experience, i've learn that i still got a lot of growing up and improvement ahead of me. so, i guess that's a good thing.
if you haven't noticed, resentment has deeply set in. i think that's what make it easier for me to shut myself off. although, i still have much love for him. i mean...we did have quite a few great memories in the 12 years we'd been together.
dreams... i've woken up plenty of times because i missed someone. it's just your mind remembering the good times you had with that person or the experience you shared. why is it happening now? maybe because you were trying so hard to let her go back then and now you kind of are letting her go slowly, but your mind is still reminding you of things. gosh, i don't think that made sense, but anyway....
it's like, when someone passes away. it hurted so bad when my aunt passed on and for awhile i struggled to be strong. after awhile, my thoughts of her lessened and then one day, BAM! i start getting these dreams that just wakes me up violently sometimes or i just wake up in tears. i don't know if that was a good example, but hopefully you know what i mean.
whoa! haha* i got a little carried away with posting tonight, didn't i? i guess i've been holding a lot of stuff in for so long. been having a lot on my mind lately. i really need to sleep now. my head kinda hurts from thinking. LOL*
take care all*
[ EDIT: this is off subject... good news i recently found out that my mom is cancer-free. yay! however, 2 minutes ago, i just found out that my 23 year old friend has Hodgkins Lymphoma.
Hodgkins Lymphoma is one of two types of cancer that forms in lymph nodes. Non-Hodgkins being the other form. Hodgkins is the least common of the two. In the 500,000 Americans diagnosed with Lymphoma Hodgkins Lymphoma(HL) accounts for 142,000 of them. This year approximately 7,350 Americans will be diagnosed with HL. There are 30 subtypes of lymphoma, consisting of 5 subtypes of HL and the rest non-HL. In Hodgkins cells called lymphocytes found in lymph nodes become abnormal. Lymph nodes are found all throughout your body and is part of your immune system. These abnormal lymphocytes become larger than normal and do not deplete like normal cells, so they continue to multiply. The good news is that of the two Lymphoma diseases, HL has had the most research, and is actually one of the most researched forms of cancers. Resulting in a 75-80% chance of patients being cured of the disease.
i hope everything turns out ok.]
Last edited by mb_rockstar on Tue May 03, 2005 1:47 am, edited 2 times in total.
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
hey....it's ok to cheat on your diet once a week remember. "once a week" is the key phrase. lol*
i haven't weighed myself yet, but i have noticed my clothes is fitting a lot better or...looser.
keep it up.
Mikey_ wrote:Today was GREAT! Felt being pampered at work today -- was tasked to help build 9 servers worth over $150,000. Had Mongolian for lunch -- interesting how they cook/serve it. Took a small walk along Newport Back Bay -- may eat my self-cooked lunch there tomorrow. Worked out again today. Boy, am I out of shape and 4 lbs heavier. So much for pigging out last week hehehe... Mikey got spoiled
Oh, there's more! Company's sending me for Red Hat Linux training in June worth $2,600 in El Segundo. That will cover half of the Red Hat Certified Technician certification. Two more classes on top of that and I'm on my way to RHC Engineer, the most prestigious Linux certification available. Woo!
Surprises keep on coming! It feels nice to actually be spoiled by work for once...
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
That's great that they are sending you to training and paying for it. Going to training is always good. It also shows that the company values you and wants you to learn and grow with them.
I love that photo of your fish kissing your fingertips. That has to have been the friendliest fish in the world. Very cute!
MB: I'm really glad to hear that your mom is doing well. Take care!
You are so lucky! I don?t know but if I worked as close as you do to the beach, I might be tempted to not come back after lunch. I have always found the beach to be such a soothing place. I love the beach. Do you ever go to Crystal Cove? Check it out when you have time. I go there often. It is a section of the beach in between Laguna Beach and Corona Del Mar. I actually was there for a bit this Saturday. A friend of mine is a volunteer there and we hung out for a bit.
Don?t worry about finding time to respond to my emails. You just got a new job and you are understandably busy.
Your IT department sounds great! It sounds like a place that you could grow and sharpen your skills. Eight hours a day is not a bad deal at all. I am paid hourly also. Only top management within the government earns salaried wages. I?m not quite there yet. Hourly works for me, though. You are the baby of the bunch? Me, too! Most of my co-workers are in their mid thirties or older. I am so glad to hear that you like your new job. I wish you much success in all of your future endeavors.
Yes, I know that your heart is still sealed. I do think that sealing your heart is not a good move on your part but I won?t say anymore on this topic. You are a grown man and know what is best for you. Besides, I am not really an authority on this subject. It took me over a year to figure out that sealing my heart was not really what I wanted. I can?t say that my heart is sealed anymore. I am open to falling in love again. It did take me a while to see that though. Let?s see, it took me about 1 year and 6 months to feel like I might actually survive this and move on. I spent 4 wonderful years with Tim but life has to go on and I know that he would have loved to see me happy again. I am looking forward to being in a committed relationship again.
I am glad to hear that you feel that the break-up has done you good. I have to say that I feel the same way. I think that the break up has done you a great deal of good. You?ve mentioned in a few of your posts that you feel more confident and able to deal with a relationship. For that alone, the break-up, painful though it may be, is worth it. I didn?t know you while you dated Kim and so I personally have nothing to compare you with but from what I have read, you seem to be a fairly mature young man. You will have no problem convincing another female to give you a chance once you are ready to go that route. Let me tell you, if I were Kim, I would have melted with all the sweet things you have said about her. I can tell that you really love her. It?s sweet how much you care for her even though she makes you mad at times.
Tim and I were best buds. Sometimes we would sit on his sofa and talk or just kind of cuddle in bed or whatever and share each others thoughts and dreams. It was fun. I remember that I told him once, that the only way he would ever lose me was if he beat me up. I remember telling him that everything else we could work out except for that. I just kind of let him know that domestic violence whether it is verbal but especially physical is where I draw the line. I told him that if we ever got to a point that we felt we needed to be abusive towards each other I would leave and never come back. No second chances on this one. I am not sure what even started that strange conversation between us but I remember him tugging my shirt off to kiss and massage a bruise I had on my stomache from a fall I had experienced a few days prior (I am the worlds biggest klutz!) and telling me that I would never have to worry about that as he would never lay a hand on me in anger. I believed him. Tim was always very gentle and protective. If ever he discovered a new bruise on me from one of my numerous accidents, he would shower it with kisses and make a huge fuss.
I meant it, too. I couldn?t imagine, even to this day what, other than violence, would have made me turn him away. I had even ruled out adultery as something we could work not on. I remember telling him that cheating was a big no-no in my book but that if this ever happened between us I would hear him out. I told him that I would not promise to remain his girlfriend/lover/wife if this ever happened to us but that I loved him so much that I would want to hear him out and perhaps remain friends. He didn?t like talking about these things but I felt that we needed to. We were planning on getting married for Pete?s sake. We needed to know were we stood on such topics. I know that I needed him to know where I stood on certain topics. I remember him being kind of annoyed with me about bringing up the adultery thing. I can?t really blame him but he did tell me that he would want nothing to do with me ever again if he ever found out that I had cheated on him.
It?s not my story to tell and I won?t go into any real detail but our family backgrounds were so different that we often saw life through very different eyes. How we ever really made things work will forever remain a mystery to me.
Seven months, huh? Has it really only been that long? Hey! You are doing much better than I was at 7 months. At 7 months, I was wishing my head would fall off. It?s funny that you dream about Kim. Do you know that I don?t dream about Tim? I never have even though I wished with all my heart that he would come to me in my dreams. He never did. For over a year I cried myself to sleep thinking about him every single night. It was horrible. The nights were just absolute torture. The only good part about crying yourself to sleep at night is that it is so exhausting that you end up having good nights rest. I tried to not be such a cry baby but I could not help it. The minute I would turn out my light the tears would come. It sucked. I wonder if I will ever be lucky enough to conjure Tim up in a dream? Must be interesting to have Kim appear in your dreams. Not sure whether to congratulate you or sympathize for you on this one. Don?t worry though. It gets better. I promise. I?m still envious on how well you have taken all of this. Trust me, I was no where near where you seem to be 7 months after Tim died. Maybe I am just a born drama queen. Whatever the reason for my behavior at that time, I feel good about the direction I am now going. Seriously though, you knew Kim for a long time and it sounds like you two had some great memories together. She'll probably be on your mind for some time to come. It's o.k. to think of her from time to time. Like I said, it took me a year and a half to reach a turning point where I could actually start realizing that there was life after Tim. It has been two years for me now and I am just now starting to feel like I would like to meet someone again. It just takes time, I guess.
I am going to a concert tonight with friends that I met at school. Who knows? Maybe my Prince Charming will be there tonight? Wish me luck!
Your horny player dream was pretty bizarre. Too funny, even in your dreams you are trying to protect her. Yes, I know that there are some strange publications out there. Ha! I find some of them amusing.
What a nice compliment that your friend paid you, ?You are more mature?. You?ve mentioned certain fights that you got into with Kim. Those fights don?t really jive with the Michael that I have gotten to know through your posts and so I have to agree with your friend, you have grown up a bit and become more mature. You should be proud of yourself. You are learning about yourself constantly. It?s a nice feeling, isn?t it? I went through similar stages and so I have some idea of what you may be feeling. Like you, I totally feel as if my next relationship will be better. There are things that I did to Tim, because I was too immature to know any better that I know I will not repeat with my next relationship. I kind of feel that the past 5 years or so of my life have been a huge period of transition. The person I was in my early 20?s is not the same person I am now. I hope that these changes have been for the better?
Despite my not being on the same page as Kim regarding giving you a second chance, I think she sounds like a nice young lady. Lots of girls just want to party and you were lucky to have someone in your life who encouraged you to focus on your MIS degree. The fact that after everything you can still say that she taught you about unconditional love makes me think that she is quite an incredible woman.
Karma? you know, I have mixed feelings about Karma. Funny that you mentioned Karma because I was helping a friend of mine study for his religions class this weekend and the subject of Karma came up. My family is deeply Catholic. I was raised to believe in Catholicism. I want to believe in a higher being. Really I do but right now, I am not so sure. I did believe in a higher being while I dated Tim even though Tim was atheist. I am not sure what I believe in these days. Like I have mentioned, I have changed a great deal. I went through such a tremendous amount of pain when Tim died that I sort of denounced a lot of things including religion. I drew no comfort from my religion. Thoughts of God and or Jesus did precious little to ease my pain. In fact, when people would tell me things like ?He is with Jesus now? I wanted to tell them to drop dead. The pain came out in different ways and anger at the world in general was one of them. I was so angry and hurt. You have no idea? People feeding me all kinds of religious crap were not what I wanted to hear. It only made me feel worse. Do you know what I mean? It's like, don't tell me that God loves me when my whole world is falling apart. Tim wasn?t coming back, nothing anybody could say made this fact better and so I felt better retreating. In short, I needed and exercised my right for space. I've never been that rligious to begin with. I have always felt more spiritual rather than religious. There is a BIG difference between the two.
Buddhist people and Hindu people both believe in Karma. I have always tried to lead my life so that I have no regrets. I believe in some of the scriptures of Karma. For instance I strongly believe in non violence. I also believe that good deeds as well as bad deeds will return to you. I do my best to treat people with respect and I hope that my actions towards others will afford me the same courtesy. That is something along the lines of what the believers of Karma believe. I am not currently affiliated to any religious group, though. I?m not sure that I ever will be again. I am enjoying the sovereignty. My folks are not too happy about this but I am happy with the choices I am making and I don?t feel as if I owe anybody explanations. I have much respect and curiosity for the world?s religions and I look forward to learning more about Buddhism and Hinduism someday. I follow the Middle East conflict closely and the world?s religions have always proven to fascinate me.
You are right though. I tend to believe that everything does happen for a reason and things have a funny way of working out. I'll discuss more on this topic some other time.
Aged 10 years, huh? You are such an old geezer! Just kidding! I am glad that you continue to feel better about things, though. Keep up the good work! I can?t believe you posted my pathetic grades up in here for MB to read!?! Uh, it?s getting better. It?s a 79% now. I just want a B? I don?t want to have to take this class over again. Yuck! I don?t want to talk about it. I?ll let you know how things turn out after my final.
Exercise- Nonexistent for me this week. No time. Next week I will resume. Yup, Tim ran approximately 20 miles a day. Crazy! He loved it and was very fit. It only took him about 3 hours to run that distance. Don?t ask me how, I could never do that but most days he ran in the morning before going to work and than again in the evening before I got home from work. I?m guessing that he split the 20 miles up in two. His dad got us both memberships at Bally?s and I hardly ever used mine back then. Tim had very strong legs and tried to keep in shape. He was not a weightlifter and so he was not very muscular above the waist. He just always enjoyed running. My ankle is fine. My pride is still a little hurt but I will live. I tripped in front of my friend and a really cute classmate. Damn!
No suits? Sounds like my dream job. I am usually wiggling out of my work clothes the minute I get home. I wish I could show up in jeans to work. One of these days I will be the boss and I will outlaw stuffy suits and make jeans our standard uniform. Wearing jeans is discouraged at my work. I think this is lame but well, rules are rules, I suppose.
You took the cutest picture of Speedy! He is adorable. Those fish of yours respond so well to you. You are a such good dad. I also like the pictures of the party.
I'm not done responding but have to go. I wanted to find out more about how MB is doing. I'll have to come back later. Off to work! Have a great day!
I haven't had the chance to read everything you wrote yet ... there's not much time left to sleep tonight. Work was kind of tiring today and so I decided to take a long walk along the Newport Back Bay after work (around 6pm.) Felt really good -- birds chirping, plants and flowers everywhere, and plenty of trails to explore. It was really nice...
MB was in the area and so we went to eat at Sam Woo. MMMMMmmmmm... bought Soy Sauce Chicken -- I've always told myself to make it someday, but always forget to. Also had Cha Siu (BBQ Pork), Crispy Chicken, Duck, and what not. Wor Wonton Soup too. Mmmm..... What a feast! I miss cooking, but oddly enough there's actually not enough time to do all the things I'd like to do -- DESPITE me spending hardly any personal time on the computer. Perhaps the upcoming weekend(s)...
I really enjoy work. Had yet another surprise thrown at me. I actually got to do something that real Sr. level engineers get to do. And when I sort of didn't really know how to do it, the Sr. engineer gladly showed it to me. He actually didn't think of me any less. Whoa. And get this... I also found out that the company's Buyer got sent to a $900 seminar on Purchasing. All I could think of was how much Kim would have enjoyed this... Even non-IT personnel get sent out for training.
Oh, want to know another surprise? There are annual bonuses! Want another? President dressed up in a silky, Chinese, upper-class dress for Lunar New Year, gave everyone $1 in quarters in red packets, and held an $800 Vietnamese feast. Want another? We're having Cinco De Mayo celebration later today. It's rumored that $700 will be spent for food and drinks. Christmas? Yeah, they went to a fancy hotel and spent about $80/person on entertainment/food. On top of that, the IT team went to a fancy lunch on their own, each person buying about $30 worth of food.
Want more? When I get sent for training, they'll pay for mileage counting from the workplace (not from my own home) AND they'll pay for food -- no matter how much. Want a lobster lunch? Go for it. It's on the company. YESSSSSSSS!!!!
Oh, we'll be having a paid company picnic coming up soon. Get paid 8 hours to have a day off with the company. Nice.
Got my new AT&T cell phone with 600 minutes Now I can text message for free as well
Okay, enough excitement for today...
Oh, I'm still getting tons of job interview requests and a couple offers from past interviews. The job market's definitely doing well or I'm just doing something right with my new resume? Either way, I think now's a good time to start looking... Most companies don't hire until AFTER the tax season is over and BEFORE November.
Had Pho Dac Biet for lunch today. Yum. What else? Oh yeah, lots of pretty women walking/jogging along the Newport Back Bay trail. However, me still not interested although I did almost stumble when a really cute Asian one walked by... twice. We looked at each other and smiled, but I kept on walking. Didn't bother looking back. I'm still not available. Haven't reached all my short-term goals yet. Noticed my sort of broken English? It's late. Wondered what Kim's up to. Didn't dream about her this morning. Good.
Soy Sauce Chicken... Mmm... Still on my mind hehehe... Should have bought Crispy Chicken though. Next time. Surprised that I found Sam Woo in the first place... Didn't initially find it, was about to give up, and voila, there it was by accident. Also found the area where I want to buy my home at. I like this one area... Very nice homes. $700,000 and up. Ouch. Still, mom will go with me soon to take a look at it.
My driving direction's gotten way better. Sort of knew where I was while driving to unknown areas. Even knew where North, South, East, West was at in relation to driving direction into the unexplored.
Dropped by Corona Del Mar earlier too. Nice and peaceful. It was drizzling. Flashlight's sort of broken, but it worked. Love the Tamarind candy I'd been sucking on.
Acted goofy while walking on the Newport Back Bay with MB today. So did she. Haven't done the goofy walk for a while. Wished camera was around to take pictures of the nice landscape. Sunset was covered up by cloudy atmosphere
Accidentally walked by a van where a couple was having sex. Oops. MB and I looked at each other weirdly. We heard them laugh after we passed them.
Plants doing GREAT. Really great! Fishtank's better than ever. Ghost shrimps still alive. If they die again, will probably get a White Fiddler Crab again (ie. DaVinci)
Mm.... Soy Sauce Chicken. Won't touch. It's late. Got to sleep. Don't feel like going though, but only 4 hours left. It's okay, I'll go to work a bit later. They don't mind as long as I work 8 hours. Haven't had chance to work on HKSS.com still. Main priority still is to improve my own life, take care of family and help them get to where they need or want to be.
In regards to your replies, I'd like to share with you something I'm not ashamed of admitting to, but am ashamed that it happened. It's in regard to abuse -- verbally and physically. Will elaborate on it another time. It'll change your opinion of me. I made mistakes and mistakes that aren't in line with my core character.
I wasn't such an angel towards the later part of the relationship. I was better before that, and definitely even better NOW. Unfortunately, the later part of the relationship seems to be all that Kim can remember. Went from unconditional love to unconditional stay-away-from-me. Sees me as a punishment for a sin she committed in her past lifetime. Karma. What goes around comes around. Sure didn't make me feel good when I was first told that, and sure doesn't feel good today still. Suppose that everybody must be punished once in their lifetime for a crime committed in the previous life. Wondering though why Kim got punished twice: her ex, then me. I feel she's missing out -- sometimes the true love may be passing right before your eyes even if that person is someone you once hated. Ah, it's too late for philosophy/spiritualism. I'm not very religious. However, I do believe in being good. Stupidity and laziness got a hold of my evil side. I won't let that happen again towards anyone. I've learned and saw the evil of it.
Ah, tempted to reply to your posts, but it's late. I only turn on my laptop for about 1 hour now to check e-mails at night, then no more for rest of day. Don't even check personal e-mail at work. Not because I'm tired. Just because there's no need to. Primarily check for any emergency messages and to see how people are doing, including you guys on HKSS.com.
Still have no one to call my Best Friend. Lost her long ago although my hands are still stretched out should she slip. May not get appreciation (and haven't gotten any really), but hands are still out there. I take care of the people who matter to me, even if I may not be around that much. My heart's always there. Grandparents know it. Parents know it. Brothers know it. Some of my friends know it. Even some of the people I dislike know it. I believe in doing good. I've stopped cheating systems -- used to get a kick out of outsmarting retail stores. It started when I was cheated by them. Did it as revenge. Then became a thing to do. Realized it was stupid. Wasn't an angel, as said. Immaturity. Stupidity.
Feel bloated after pigging out last week. Felt good, followed by 3 days of bloatiness. Worked out on my own. Feeling better again. Got to lose 3 more lbs to get back to equilibrium. Then 5 or 10 more lbs to get to target weight. Noticed more women looking at me. Don't think it's the looks. Definitely got more confidence in who I am and who I'll be. Still, am not available. No need for girlfriend right now. No need for dating either. Life's okay for now. Still, good to know that changes I've made are somehow being noticed by men and women. Don't know what they may be, but it's flattering and encouraging. Am more able to communicate with strangers. Got more confidence in my skills and ideals. Career, life, whatever.
Miss Kim lots. Not asking to be boyfriend/girlfriend again. Only try out some type of friendship again. "Stay-away-from-me-like-a-plague" is what I feel from Kim. Life must be good for her. So be it. She doesn't need me. I don't need her. Miss her lots. That fact doesn't change. Can only observe her from behind glass, even if I see any danger. Sound doesn't pass through thick glass. Can only watch and cross fingers.
Definitely not sleeping much today.
Tired. Weird mood today. Yet peaceful. Am in peace. "I've changed." Keep reminding myself of that. Making sure my qualities don't go wrong way again. Am more true to core self. (Insert Buddhist chant here)
Am not Buddhist. Believe in some Buddhist teachings though. Good advices. Be good. Desire can blind you. Desperation can blind you. Desire and Desperation are everywhere. Damn, I've become more philosophical out of nowhere. Perhaps just more mature?
Miss Kim lots. Wish dreams of her would stop. Got no way of stopping dreams. Can only control consciousness. Can't control subconsciousness. Can't control heart. Can control actions. So, me control actions now: going to sleep. Go.
Just read your post. I'll respond more another day. I got hungry just reading food describtions. Sam Woo... never been there but I've heard that they have really good food. All I had for dinner last night was a margarita and I am starving!
I want to comment on your last post at HKSS. Your comment about wanting to share something with me that would change my opinion of you was of particular interest to me. No need to disclose details on specific events. I can pretty much imagine how sometimes things unravel.
Not sure if there is anything that I can tell you to make you feel better about some of the things that went wrong between you and Kim but it is my hope that my honest opinion will at least get you to reflect on some of your thoughts regarding certain events that occured between you and Kim. I know that you and Kim became abusive towards one another. You have told me this before. In my mind, I had limited that abuse to emotional and psychological abuse even though I did suspect that there may have been times that those abuses spilled over to include physical abuse.
In my opinion, physical abuse has always been the last taboo. Kind of like the point of no return. Physical abuse is the form of abuse that I find the most repugnant. I am in no way, shape or form making excuses for anyone but I do want you to know that I understand that certain things get out of control due to emotionally charged situations . You and Kim both are very young and neither one of you seems to have a greal deal of experience to help you along during the rough patches in your relationship. Under those conditions, abuse of many different kinds (verbal, emotional, physical, etc.) were bound to proliferate.
That being said, you have yet to say something that would change my opinion about you. In fact, your willingness to admit that you have made mistakes and that you are willing to learn from those mistakes has earned you major brownie points in my eyes. Your mother would be so proud of you.
I just wanted to let you know that I am not the type of person who sees things in black or white. I know that there is a great deal of gray areas. I hope that you realize that you are a victim of abuse. I cringe at some of the things that you say have been told to you by Kim. I am sure that Kim is a wonderful person or whatever but you need to hold Kim just as accountable as you hold yoursekf for some of the abusive behavior in the relationship. "A punishment for a sin she committed in her past lifetime?" Come on! There is never a good time to say something like that to someone. I can't even imagine why Kim would think it was an o.k. thing to say that to you.
I wish Kim all the luck in the world with her next relationship. I think she is going to need it. I can be witchy, too at times but there are ways of dealing with situations and putting people down is not one of them. Seems to me that Kim has room to grow, just like the rest of us.
I guess what I am trying to say is that, I reject abusive behavior of any kind but I believe that you did the best that you knew how with the tools that you had while you were with Kim. I know that you love Kim and that you would take her back if she would give you the chance but I hope that you are starting to realize that you are a wonderful human being and you deserve to be treated as such. Kim may not yet be at a place where she can be a participant in a healthy, loving relationship. I know that love is blind (Tim loved me with all my many faults) but I really hope that you are starting to see that there is no reason in the world why your girlfriend should ever feel that you are anything but wonderful. Fights and disagreements will occur but there should never be any doubt in your mind that you are your girlfriends most precious relationship not some punishment to be accounted for. Steer clear of anyone who does not make you feel special. Life is way, too short to spend time with anyone that does not make you feel special.
You know that Tim and I didn't always get along. We were so different, I often felt, I don't know a little strange, like perhaps this was not going to work. Some of our differences involved our core personalities and we were both too immature to know how to address this. So often times we didn't. Not a good idea but I am not an expert and neither was he. We muddled through things that sometimes did not get thoroughly resolved as best we could. No relationship is perfect but I think we did o.k. for a couple of horny, 20 something year-olds. I sense that you realize that you made mistakes and have taken steps to correct them. Kim has been a great learning experience for you. Your next relationship will be awesome! Trust me on this one.
On a lighter note...you caught someone having sex in a van?!?! How exciting! Should have called me!
I'm off from work today. I have a lot of reading to catch up on and I have to go to Macy's to return a pair of pants that I bought last weekend...they make my butt look too big...
I decided to keep my new pants. A friend convinced me that I did not look as enormous as I thought I did. I wore them this weekend. I just wasn't sure when I bought them. I liked them at the store and then when I tried them on again at home the back pocket kind of stuck out. I felt it made my butt look strange. Oh well!
So how did the Gala event go? I hope that it brought you tons of customers.
I 'm going to be at the Lakewood Civic Center for a training in the next couple of weeks. Is that near Macy's? Let see...it's a 3-part training but I only plan on attending the first workshop session and the last workshop session on June 28-30 and on August 29-31.
It's a couple of weeks away but if you think you may be working on any of those days let me know. I'd love to come by and see you after work or on my lunch break. I'm not expecting any miracles but perhaps you can suggest a few beauty tips. Seriously though, MB, I am so lazy. I usually am up by about 2 or 3 a.m. to study. I jump in the shower at about 5:30 A.M. and by 6 or so, I am in my car heading for work. If I have even so much as 15 extra minutes in the morning I will use it for sleep not primping.
Finals are in a few weeks and so I won't be in here for a while but let's try to get together during my training. It'll be fun getting beauty tips from you. When it comes to putting on make-up, I totally need all the help I can get!
A friend of a friend of mine is working at Clinique. I bought lipstick the other day... I am thinking of trying a different powder/foundation than the one I currently use.
aren't friends the best. they are so honest and encouraging. everytime i go shopping, i'm always hard on myself. majority of the time, i don't think anything looks good on me, but i buy it anyways, telling myself to workout hard so i can fit into it. lol* i don't do that anymore because i'm broke now. haha*
gala was awesome. i was really nervous in the morning, but as the day progressed, i got more and more excited. all together we had about 22 appointments and at least 6 walk-ups. we surpassed our sales goal from last year! woo!! i'm happy. the music was bumpin', there were people walking around with cheese squares and sandwiches and everyone was just having a great time. as soon as my friends send me some pictures from that day i will post it here.
lakewood civic center? hmm...i believe it's right across the street from lakewood mall. is it on clark ave.? if it's the one i'm thinking about, then yes, right across the street from it is macy's. june and august...hmm. most likely, i'll be working those days. i'll get back to you and confirm that.
that would be wonderful. i would love to finally meet you. you know, it use to take me 30 minutes to primp up, but now i'm down to 5 minutes. you see, 'benefit' is all about instant gratification. "little looks good." anyhow, i'm not going to get into that right now. i'll show you when i see you.
what clinque counter is your friend working at? what mall? if it's lakewood, i most likely might know that person. i pretty much know everyone in the cosmetic dept. hmm...i'll match with you with a nice foundation and powder sometime. you're going to love it! hehe*
good luck with your finals!
take care
[edit: i passed by lakewood civic center today. yes, it is across the street from the macy's i work at. ]
"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."
Music
It's about time my career's back on track 
/fi_av_smiles_y_44.gif)
I'd only heard the phrase "grunion run" but I had never actually experienced it. I thought it was pretty interesting. My nephew seemed to get a kick out of it, too. 
my head kinda hurts from thinking. LOL*
